TOO MANY CABINETS
The blue Castle loomed out of the misty fog, as the quail walked across the street. The mornings first rays filtered through the fog and
illuminated the dew on the grass. The only sound that could be heard was the lonely cry of a goose whose mate was gone. In the
meadow below deer grabbed one last mouth full before blending back into the under growth. The world was coming to life as I sat there
on my own porch that first morning.
The quiet was deafening! No longer did neighbor dogs bark as I came out my own door. No longer did they bark all night long. The dogs
were gone with all their barking. Better yet the uncaring neighbor was gone. No longer did I have the urge to shoot the dogs or the
neighbor. In fact I really did sleep last night. No cars were rushing by all night long.
My back yard is no longer used as a trash can by the kids waiting for the bus. The same kids no longer try to tear down my fence just for
the fun of it. Their stupid and mindless parents no longer stand there and watch their kids try to tear down my fence. I no longer have
the great desire to shoot all the kids or their parents. Well just a minute? There still is some desire to shoot some of the parents. Yes
life is good in here in the Heights.
New houses and new neighbors are what I see now. Neighbors that bring over baked bread to greet you to the neighborhood.
Neighbors who care about how their yards look. Very quiet neighbors. I wish we knew who the heck brought the bread, I would like to
take them some of the fish my son caught on his trip. Heck, I would like to take a lot of that fish to the neighbors. There is so much. Too
much to eat before it becomes old fish.
I wonder what the neighbors think of the political signs in my yard? Surely there are no democrats in a neighborhood so nice as this?
Well there is that one guy that has a band. Hmm? He is always out there playing with his kids and exercising. No hard working
Republicans have time for things like that! Only Democrats living off the government can do those things! Yes, living off the
government and me. Hmm!
What was that High Commander? Oh! Well? Huh! Hmmm! Ok Ok I will tell them. He did wave one time as we were passing. I think he
was just happy to see one of his supporters though. Maybe he is just campaigning to be President of the homeowners association. I do
know his name now and he is a nice guy. I may have to change my thoughts on democrats because of him. The Homeowners Presidency
hangs in the balance. I better get out there and start kissing babies and shaking hands.
There are deer down in the meadow, and geese do fly by now and again. Our housing track is called Quail Heights so I do have some
hope of seeing some quail here some day, and our house is blue.
Home ownership is not all that it is cracked up to be. First of all you never really own your house. Even after 30 years of making
extremely high payments you do not own your house. Try missing a few property tax payments and see what I mean. You are taxed when
you buy the house, while you are paying for the house, after you are done paying for the house, and when you die in the house. The
house is never really yours.
The government just lets you think it is. You used to be able to do what you wanted with your property as long as you paid rent (taxes)
on time, but now the government decides what is best for your property, and charges you for the privilege. Home ownership is not all it
is cracked up to be.
Here in this new house things are hard to find. If for instance I ask The High Commander where some tape is, her answer might be "in
the cabinet." In the old house that would have been a good answer not having many cabinets there. Here though without more specific
information it could take a year to find. There are entirely too many cabinets.
We used to put all the glasses and plates, and bowls in one cabinet. Not now! The plates can be found in one cabinet while the bowls
are in another. Fancy glasses in another and plain ugly glasses all the way to the side so no one may see nor use them. There is food in
the pantry, food above the stove and above the fridge. I am sure there is more food tucked away in some neat little corner somewhere
that I have yet to find.
In fact there are things that I am sure I will never see again. Not only because they have been placed in the "proper spot", but also
because they were too old to be seen in this new house and have been thrown away. Well worn and comfortable items strewn upon the
ash heap of history. Hmm! Seems I have heard that before. I guess I may be rambling here.
You know, I never really cared how my lawn looked or how many weeds were in it. Now though, I feel my very existence depends on
having the greenest, most well kept lawn in the neighborhood. When neighbors walk by my lawn, I want them to stop and stare in
amazement and wonder how I keep it looking so good. I want them asking me to hold seminars on the care and maintenance of "The
Award Winning Lawn." I want the grounds keepers of the next Superbowl to call me daily with questions about their field.
What High Commander? Yes, Ok, I will try not to drool on the computer. What? Ok, I will try to stop snoring. What? Yes I will get a
paper towel and wipe up the drool. Sorry all I guess I was dreaming a bit.
Cleaning has become a hobby for my son and I. Well really it is just a survival instinct we have picked up since moving here to this new
house. As an example, The High Commander has us out in the living room with a very fine net, not unlike a pair of nylon hose, trying to
catch the dust particles in the rays of sun coming through the windows. We try to get them before they have a chance to settle on the
new furniture, else we will have to dust. If The High Commander is upstairs and I drop a crumb on the floor in the kitchen while eating
she will call down and request that I clean it up. How she knows the crumb has fallen I will never know.
Lets talk about getting clean! Who in their right minds came up with these low flow showerheads. In the old house you used to be able
to take a shower and have the water blast all the dirt off of you. It came out so hard there, that I have been know to clean engine parts in
there.
Not here. When I shower here I have to actually use soap and a little elbow grease to get the dirt off. The water comes out as though it
were a gentle mist falling in the rain forest. I find myself dodging around the shower stall just trying to run into enough droplets of water
to get the soap to turn into something other than a chalky substance. You know I just don't care if the Salmon have enough water to get
up the stream. I just want to take a decent shower.
We not only have the low flow shower heads, but we have the low flow toilets. You know the type. They use very little water to clean out
what you have left there. It seems though that because they use so little water they somehow have turned up the pressure on what
little water they do have. The first time I pulled that little lever on the side of the toilet it sounded like a jet taking off. I was afraid that at
the pressure that water was attacking the effluent in the bowl, some of it might spray out, although that has yet to happen. Still though I
live in fear of the day when it might.
It's late so I guess I better get to bed. I need to get to sleep so I can wake up in the morning and get to work to pay for this house. I think
I will try and dream about what to do with the backyard so as to have "Better Homes and Gardens" give me a call.
Night All!
The blue Castle loomed out of the misty fog, as the quail walked across the street. The mornings first rays filtered through the fog and
illuminated the dew on the grass. The only sound that could be heard was the lonely cry of a goose whose mate was gone. In the
meadow below deer grabbed one last mouth full before blending back into the under growth. The world was coming to life as I sat there
on my own porch that first morning.
The quiet was deafening! No longer did neighbor dogs bark as I came out my own door. No longer did they bark all night long. The dogs
were gone with all their barking. Better yet the uncaring neighbor was gone. No longer did I have the urge to shoot the dogs or the
neighbor. In fact I really did sleep last night. No cars were rushing by all night long.
My back yard is no longer used as a trash can by the kids waiting for the bus. The same kids no longer try to tear down my fence just for
the fun of it. Their stupid and mindless parents no longer stand there and watch their kids try to tear down my fence. I no longer have
the great desire to shoot all the kids or their parents. Well just a minute? There still is some desire to shoot some of the parents. Yes
life is good in here in the Heights.
New houses and new neighbors are what I see now. Neighbors that bring over baked bread to greet you to the neighborhood.
Neighbors who care about how their yards look. Very quiet neighbors. I wish we knew who the heck brought the bread, I would like to
take them some of the fish my son caught on his trip. Heck, I would like to take a lot of that fish to the neighbors. There is so much. Too
much to eat before it becomes old fish.
I wonder what the neighbors think of the political signs in my yard? Surely there are no democrats in a neighborhood so nice as this?
Well there is that one guy that has a band. Hmm? He is always out there playing with his kids and exercising. No hard working
Republicans have time for things like that! Only Democrats living off the government can do those things! Yes, living off the
government and me. Hmm!
What was that High Commander? Oh! Well? Huh! Hmmm! Ok Ok I will tell them. He did wave one time as we were passing. I think he
was just happy to see one of his supporters though. Maybe he is just campaigning to be President of the homeowners association. I do
know his name now and he is a nice guy. I may have to change my thoughts on democrats because of him. The Homeowners Presidency
hangs in the balance. I better get out there and start kissing babies and shaking hands.
There are deer down in the meadow, and geese do fly by now and again. Our housing track is called Quail Heights so I do have some
hope of seeing some quail here some day, and our house is blue.
Home ownership is not all that it is cracked up to be. First of all you never really own your house. Even after 30 years of making
extremely high payments you do not own your house. Try missing a few property tax payments and see what I mean. You are taxed when
you buy the house, while you are paying for the house, after you are done paying for the house, and when you die in the house. The
house is never really yours.
The government just lets you think it is. You used to be able to do what you wanted with your property as long as you paid rent (taxes)
on time, but now the government decides what is best for your property, and charges you for the privilege. Home ownership is not all it
is cracked up to be.
Here in this new house things are hard to find. If for instance I ask The High Commander where some tape is, her answer might be "in
the cabinet." In the old house that would have been a good answer not having many cabinets there. Here though without more specific
information it could take a year to find. There are entirely too many cabinets.
We used to put all the glasses and plates, and bowls in one cabinet. Not now! The plates can be found in one cabinet while the bowls
are in another. Fancy glasses in another and plain ugly glasses all the way to the side so no one may see nor use them. There is food in
the pantry, food above the stove and above the fridge. I am sure there is more food tucked away in some neat little corner somewhere
that I have yet to find.
In fact there are things that I am sure I will never see again. Not only because they have been placed in the "proper spot", but also
because they were too old to be seen in this new house and have been thrown away. Well worn and comfortable items strewn upon the
ash heap of history. Hmm! Seems I have heard that before. I guess I may be rambling here.
You know, I never really cared how my lawn looked or how many weeds were in it. Now though, I feel my very existence depends on
having the greenest, most well kept lawn in the neighborhood. When neighbors walk by my lawn, I want them to stop and stare in
amazement and wonder how I keep it looking so good. I want them asking me to hold seminars on the care and maintenance of "The
Award Winning Lawn." I want the grounds keepers of the next Superbowl to call me daily with questions about their field.
What High Commander? Yes, Ok, I will try not to drool on the computer. What? Ok, I will try to stop snoring. What? Yes I will get a
paper towel and wipe up the drool. Sorry all I guess I was dreaming a bit.
Cleaning has become a hobby for my son and I. Well really it is just a survival instinct we have picked up since moving here to this new
house. As an example, The High Commander has us out in the living room with a very fine net, not unlike a pair of nylon hose, trying to
catch the dust particles in the rays of sun coming through the windows. We try to get them before they have a chance to settle on the
new furniture, else we will have to dust. If The High Commander is upstairs and I drop a crumb on the floor in the kitchen while eating
she will call down and request that I clean it up. How she knows the crumb has fallen I will never know.
Lets talk about getting clean! Who in their right minds came up with these low flow showerheads. In the old house you used to be able
to take a shower and have the water blast all the dirt off of you. It came out so hard there, that I have been know to clean engine parts in
there.
Not here. When I shower here I have to actually use soap and a little elbow grease to get the dirt off. The water comes out as though it
were a gentle mist falling in the rain forest. I find myself dodging around the shower stall just trying to run into enough droplets of water
to get the soap to turn into something other than a chalky substance. You know I just don't care if the Salmon have enough water to get
up the stream. I just want to take a decent shower.
We not only have the low flow shower heads, but we have the low flow toilets. You know the type. They use very little water to clean out
what you have left there. It seems though that because they use so little water they somehow have turned up the pressure on what
little water they do have. The first time I pulled that little lever on the side of the toilet it sounded like a jet taking off. I was afraid that at
the pressure that water was attacking the effluent in the bowl, some of it might spray out, although that has yet to happen. Still though I
live in fear of the day when it might.
It's late so I guess I better get to bed. I need to get to sleep so I can wake up in the morning and get to work to pay for this house. I think
I will try and dream about what to do with the backyard so as to have "Better Homes and Gardens" give me a call.
Night All!
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