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TOO MANY CABINETS
The blue Castle loomed out of the misty fog, as the quail walked across the street. The mornings first rays
filtered through the fog and illuminated the dew on the grass. The only sound that could be heard was the
lonely cry of a goose whose mate was gone. In the meadow below deer grabbed one last mouth full
before blending back into the under growth. The world was coming to life as I sat there on my own porch
that first morning.
The quiet was deafening! No longer did neighbor dogs bark as I came out my own door. No longer did
they bark all night long. The dogs were gone with all their barking. Better yet the uncaring neighbor was
gone. No longer did I have the urge to shoot the dogs or the neighbor. In fact I really did sleep last night.
No cars were rushing by all night long.
My back yard is no longer used as a trash can by the kids waiting for the bus. The same kids no longer try
to tear down my fence just for the fun of it. Their stupid and mindless parents no longer stand there and
watch their kids try to tear down my fence. I no longer have the great desire to shoot all the kids or their
parents. Well just a minute? There still is some desire to shoot some of the parents. Yes life is good in
here in the Heights.
New houses and new neighbors are what I see now. Neighbors that bring over baked bread to greet you
to the neighborhood. Neighbors who care about how their yards look. Very quiet neighbors. I wish we
knew who the heck brought the bread, I would like to take them some of the fish my son caught on his trip.
Heck, I would like to take a lot of that fish to the neighbors. There is so much. Too much to eat before it
becomes old fish.
I wonder what the neighbors think of the political signs in my yard? Surely there are no democrats in a
neighborhood so nice as this? Well there is that one guy that has a band. Hmm? He is always out there
playing with his kids and exercising. No hard working Republicans have time for things like that! Only
Democrats living off the government can do those things! Yes, living off the government and me. Hmm!
What was that High Commander? Oh! Well? Huh! Hmmm! Ok Ok I will tell them. He did wave one time as
we were passing. I think he was just happy to see one of his supporters though. Maybe he is just
campaigning to be President of the homeowners association. I do know his name now and he is a nice
guy. I may have to change my thoughts on democrats because of him. The Homeowners Presidency
hangs in the balance. I better get out there and start kissing babies and shaking hands.
There are deer down in the meadow, and geese do fly by now and again. Our housing track is called Quail
Heights so I do have some hope of seeing some quail here some day, and our house is blue.
Home ownership is not all that it is cracked up to be. First of all you never really own your house. Even
after 30 years of making extremely high payments you do not own your house. Try missing a few property
tax payments and see what I mean. You are taxed when you buy the house, while you are paying for the
house, after you are done paying for the house, and when you die in the house. The house is never really
yours.
The government just lets you think it is. You used to be able to do what you wanted with your property as
long as you paid rent (taxes) on time, but now the government decides what is best for your property, and
charges you for the privilege. Home ownership is not all it is cracked up to be.
Here in this new house things are hard to find. If for instance I ask The High Commander where some tape
is, her answer might be "in the cabinet." In the old house that would have been a good answer not having
many cabinets there. Here though without more specific information it could take a year to find. There are
entirely too many cabinets.
We used to put all the glasses and plates, and bowls in one cabinet. Not now! The plates can be found in
one cabinet while the bowls are in another. Fancy glasses in another and plain ugly glasses all the way to
the side so no one may see nor use them. There is food in the pantry, food above the stove and above
the fridge. I am sure there is more food tucked away in some neat little corner somewhere that I have yet
to find.
In fact there are things that I am sure I will never see again. Not only because they have been placed in
the "proper spot", but also because they were too old to be seen in this new house and have been
thrown away. Well worn and comfortable items strewn upon the ash heap of history. Hmm! Seems I have
heard that before. I guess I may be rambling here.
You know, I never really cared how my lawn looked or how many weeds were in it. Now though, I feel my
very existence depends on having the greenest, most well kept lawn in the neighborhood. When
neighbors walk by my lawn, I want them to stop and stare in amazement and wonder how I keep it looking
so good. I want them asking me to hold seminars on the care and maintenance of "The Award Winning
Lawn." I want the grounds keepers of the next Superbowl to call me daily with questions about their field.
What High Commander? Yes, Ok, I will try not to drool on the computer. What? Ok, I will try to stop
snoring. What? Yes I will get a paper towel and wipe up the drool. Sorry all I guess I was dreaming a bit.
Cleaning has become a hobby for my son and I. Well really it is just a survival instinct we have picked up
since moving here to this new house. As an example, The High Commander has us out in the living room
with a very fine net, not unlike a pair of nylon hose, trying to catch the dust particles in the rays of sun
coming through the windows. We try to get them before they have a chance to settle on the new
furniture, else we will have to dust. If The High Commander is upstairs and I drop a crumb on the floor in
the kitchen while eating she will call down and request that I clean it up. How she knows the crumb has
fallen I will never know.
Lets talk about getting clean! Who in their right minds came up with these low flow showerheads. In the
old house you used to be able to take a shower and have the water blast all the dirt off of you. It came out
so hard there, that I have been know to clean engine parts in there.
Not here. When I shower here I have to actually use soap and a little elbow grease to get the dirt off. The
water comes out as though it were a gentle mist falling in the rain forest. I find myself dodging around the
shower stall just trying to run into enough droplets of water to get the soap to turn into something other
than a chalky substance. You know I just don't care if the Salmon have enough water to get up the stream.
I just want to take a decent shower.
We not only have the low flow shower heads, but we have the low flow toilets. You know the type. They
use very little water to clean out what you have left there. It seems though that because they use so little
water they somehow have turned up the pressure on what little water they do have. The first time I pulled
that little lever on the side of the toilet it sounded like a jet taking off. I was afraid that at the pressure
that water was attacking the effluent in the bowl, some of it might spray out, although that has yet to
happen. Still though I live in fear of the day when it might.
It's late so I guess I better get to bed. I need to get to sleep so I can wake up in the morning and get to
work to pay for this house. I think I will try and dream about what to do with the backyard so as to have
"Better Homes and Gardens" give me a call.
Night All!
The blue Castle loomed out of the misty fog, as the quail walked across the street. The mornings first rays
filtered through the fog and illuminated the dew on the grass. The only sound that could be heard was the
lonely cry of a goose whose mate was gone. In the meadow below deer grabbed one last mouth full
before blending back into the under growth. The world was coming to life as I sat there on my own porch
that first morning.
The quiet was deafening! No longer did neighbor dogs bark as I came out my own door. No longer did
they bark all night long. The dogs were gone with all their barking. Better yet the uncaring neighbor was
gone. No longer did I have the urge to shoot the dogs or the neighbor. In fact I really did sleep last night.
No cars were rushing by all night long.
My back yard is no longer used as a trash can by the kids waiting for the bus. The same kids no longer try
to tear down my fence just for the fun of it. Their stupid and mindless parents no longer stand there and
watch their kids try to tear down my fence. I no longer have the great desire to shoot all the kids or their
parents. Well just a minute? There still is some desire to shoot some of the parents. Yes life is good in
here in the Heights.
New houses and new neighbors are what I see now. Neighbors that bring over baked bread to greet you
to the neighborhood. Neighbors who care about how their yards look. Very quiet neighbors. I wish we
knew who the heck brought the bread, I would like to take them some of the fish my son caught on his trip.
Heck, I would like to take a lot of that fish to the neighbors. There is so much. Too much to eat before it
becomes old fish.
I wonder what the neighbors think of the political signs in my yard? Surely there are no democrats in a
neighborhood so nice as this? Well there is that one guy that has a band. Hmm? He is always out there
playing with his kids and exercising. No hard working Republicans have time for things like that! Only
Democrats living off the government can do those things! Yes, living off the government and me. Hmm!
What was that High Commander? Oh! Well? Huh! Hmmm! Ok Ok I will tell them. He did wave one time as
we were passing. I think he was just happy to see one of his supporters though. Maybe he is just
campaigning to be President of the homeowners association. I do know his name now and he is a nice
guy. I may have to change my thoughts on democrats because of him. The Homeowners Presidency
hangs in the balance. I better get out there and start kissing babies and shaking hands.
There are deer down in the meadow, and geese do fly by now and again. Our housing track is called Quail
Heights so I do have some hope of seeing some quail here some day, and our house is blue.
Home ownership is not all that it is cracked up to be. First of all you never really own your house. Even
after 30 years of making extremely high payments you do not own your house. Try missing a few property
tax payments and see what I mean. You are taxed when you buy the house, while you are paying for the
house, after you are done paying for the house, and when you die in the house. The house is never really
yours.
The government just lets you think it is. You used to be able to do what you wanted with your property as
long as you paid rent (taxes) on time, but now the government decides what is best for your property, and
charges you for the privilege. Home ownership is not all it is cracked up to be.
Here in this new house things are hard to find. If for instance I ask The High Commander where some tape
is, her answer might be "in the cabinet." In the old house that would have been a good answer not having
many cabinets there. Here though without more specific information it could take a year to find. There are
entirely too many cabinets.
We used to put all the glasses and plates, and bowls in one cabinet. Not now! The plates can be found in
one cabinet while the bowls are in another. Fancy glasses in another and plain ugly glasses all the way to
the side so no one may see nor use them. There is food in the pantry, food above the stove and above
the fridge. I am sure there is more food tucked away in some neat little corner somewhere that I have yet
to find.
In fact there are things that I am sure I will never see again. Not only because they have been placed in
the "proper spot", but also because they were too old to be seen in this new house and have been
thrown away. Well worn and comfortable items strewn upon the ash heap of history. Hmm! Seems I have
heard that before. I guess I may be rambling here.
You know, I never really cared how my lawn looked or how many weeds were in it. Now though, I feel my
very existence depends on having the greenest, most well kept lawn in the neighborhood. When
neighbors walk by my lawn, I want them to stop and stare in amazement and wonder how I keep it looking
so good. I want them asking me to hold seminars on the care and maintenance of "The Award Winning
Lawn." I want the grounds keepers of the next Superbowl to call me daily with questions about their field.
What High Commander? Yes, Ok, I will try not to drool on the computer. What? Ok, I will try to stop
snoring. What? Yes I will get a paper towel and wipe up the drool. Sorry all I guess I was dreaming a bit.
Cleaning has become a hobby for my son and I. Well really it is just a survival instinct we have picked up
since moving here to this new house. As an example, The High Commander has us out in the living room
with a very fine net, not unlike a pair of nylon hose, trying to catch the dust particles in the rays of sun
coming through the windows. We try to get them before they have a chance to settle on the new
furniture, else we will have to dust. If The High Commander is upstairs and I drop a crumb on the floor in
the kitchen while eating she will call down and request that I clean it up. How she knows the crumb has
fallen I will never know.
Lets talk about getting clean! Who in their right minds came up with these low flow showerheads. In the
old house you used to be able to take a shower and have the water blast all the dirt off of you. It came out
so hard there, that I have been know to clean engine parts in there.
Not here. When I shower here I have to actually use soap and a little elbow grease to get the dirt off. The
water comes out as though it were a gentle mist falling in the rain forest. I find myself dodging around the
shower stall just trying to run into enough droplets of water to get the soap to turn into something other
than a chalky substance. You know I just don't care if the Salmon have enough water to get up the stream.
I just want to take a decent shower.
We not only have the low flow shower heads, but we have the low flow toilets. You know the type. They
use very little water to clean out what you have left there. It seems though that because they use so little
water they somehow have turned up the pressure on what little water they do have. The first time I pulled
that little lever on the side of the toilet it sounded like a jet taking off. I was afraid that at the pressure
that water was attacking the effluent in the bowl, some of it might spray out, although that has yet to
happen. Still though I live in fear of the day when it might.
It's late so I guess I better get to bed. I need to get to sleep so I can wake up in the morning and get to
work to pay for this house. I think I will try and dream about what to do with the backyard so as to have
"Better Homes and Gardens" give me a call.
Night All!