Little Cars
It recently has come to my attention that I was born with a rather distinct and volume enhanced voice. I have been slow to come to this
conclusion, although all the signs have been present for many years. Recent events have focused my understanding of this phenomenon.
Natalya is forever suggesting that I not yell all the time. She seems concerned for her hearing and has recently asked that I take a few steps
back before allowing air to pass by my vocal cords, and that is just when I want to whisper sweet nothings in her ear. I will not mention how
far it is that I must travel just to carry on a normal conversation with her.
Luckily for me though I need hearing aids and am not bothered by this voice of mine. I suppose it could be said that that is why I speak with
such volume. Yes, I believe you could say that I am hearing impaired. I do not look at this as a disability though. I believe it is a blessing.
It is especially good if others know of this "handicap" of mine. That way I can avoid answering some silly question someone might ask me and
they would not be offended knowing of my "handicap". Right? Makes sense does it not? Don't you agree?
Examples of this might be when Natalya asks if I can take out the trash. I, of course, can not hear her and quicken my pace in the other
direction. I turn the corner and leave the area as quick as possible even though vocal vibrations are still wafting passed the little bones in
my ear. Yea I can still hear her but she should only feel pity for me because of my "handicap". Right?
Apparently, Natalya being from another culture has not picked up on our American ways when it comes to how the "Handicapped" should be
properly treated. Examples of this could be when as I am retreating around the corner and the aforementioned trash smacks the wall just as I
leave its flight path. Now it is hard for even a handicapped person such as I to miss something like that. Of course I pick up the trash and
dispose of it in the proper way. (Now remember that these are only possible examples and should not in any way be compared to real life,
rather I only put them forth to fill a little space in this story.)
Now lets see, what was the purpose of this story in the first place? Ah, yes! I was talking about loud noises. At least that is what I intended to
talk about, before I wondered so far a field.
I have never been embarrassed by this voice of mine, in fact, it has been a blessing. Yea, I know I have already said that but it just seemed
like the right thing to say here so live with it. In church when I would "have" to give a talk I never used the microphone, nor did I need the
microphone for the plays that I was in. All within the auditorium or chapel were able to hear all that I was required to say. Heck for that matter
all those feigning a reason to be in the foyer could not escape my message.
Thus I ventured forth with the knowledge that when I spoke people listened even if they did not want to. So you could imagine my horror
when the other day I tried to express myself and all that could be heard was a little squeak. The sound that was produced was of such an
inadequate volume as to cause nothing to take any notice at all, least of all the intended recipient of said squeak. The individual at whom the
squeak was directed showed no reaction and this just exasperated the whole matter.
I guess at this point I should explain the situation a little more clearly so that my words will speak as loud as I used to. Davey and I were
driving down the road the other day when we merely by chance came upon a Geo Metro. Normally I would not have taken any notice of this
car but on this occasion I did.
My strong scrutiny of this vehicle had nothing to do with the fact that my friend Steve had just bought one. Nor did it have anything to do with
my concern over how he was going to get a full grown cow elk into that very tiny, compact car, following our hunt in Wyoming this fall. ( As a
side note to myself I need to remember to have the camera close at hand to document the physical gyrations and body slams that will go along
with this procedure) Of course Steve has little concern about this procedure owing to the fact that he has yet to see a live elk on two
previous hunts with me.
I hope you all will indulge me here a minute while I talk just to Steve. Steve, it is not about the killing. It is all about the hard times and
companionship that go along with the hunt itself. Don't think about those 20 hour drives one way nor the empty coolers on the return trip.
Think only about the stories you will hear around the campfire and never mind that you have already heard them on the two previous trips.
(please no one tell Steve that there really are no elk in Wyoming, I would hate to discourage him)
OK, so back to the Geo Metro. That darn little car was in the carpool lane and it was going below the speed limit. Now it is not often that I am
privileged enough to have the required number of people occupying a vehicle that I am driving, to use the carpool lane. When I do I want to
utilize that lane to its fullest extent and go fast. Now I must say that that little car is really not much of an impediment to my very large and
aggressive Dodge Ram Diesel Pick-up. I could have in fact I believe run right over that small little under powered slug of a car (no offense
Steve) but being that I am a very non aggressive driver I decided to honk my horn to get their attention.
You would have thought though that they would have moved over on their own seeing the black beast behind them but I think that they were
so small that all they could see was under the truck and thus had no idea I was there. On the other hand, it is possible that they were not to
intelligent, I mean look at what they were driving! Should anyone that would buy a car like that be aloud on the streets? (opps! Sorry Steve.)
So I prepared myself to push the sounding device on the steering wheel of the black beast. When enough pressure was applied to the
correct spot the sound emitted was as I had expressed earlier. It was disheartening! How could such a pitiful sound come from a truck such
as mine.
Not wanting anyone to know who had just squeaked I quickly moved over to the slow lane and reduced my speed. I was not sure what I was
going to do. How was I going to live with this truck. It was then that I remembered some thing someone used to say on a TV show that I would
watch once in a while. I needed "more power."
Thus our odyssey into the world of vehicular sounding devices began. There were many different kinds available at the local parts store.
Some claimed to be twice louder than factory. Others just said loud. After trying and returning many, the parts guy asked me what did I want
from a vehicular sounding device.
What did I want? Was he kidding? Could he not see what I was driving? I want a horn that when pushed will get some notice. I want to drive
down the street and be able to set off car alarms from the activation of this horn. I want to be able to clear a path, with the sound of this horn,
through a swirling mass of bugs if I have just washed my truck. And mostly, what I want the next time I approach a Geo Metro going too slowly
in the car pool lane, is to be able to vibrate them right off the road and out of my way, having them know that they were lucky to have survived
their encounter with the beast. The guy turned his back on me and as he walked away he was heard to mumble something about "Road
Rage."
The search is still going on for the new horn for my truck. The latest thing I have come up with is somehow tying an air horn or two into the
trubo on the engine, but I believe that will take a little more study on my part. Bye all!
It recently has come to my attention that I was born with a rather distinct and volume enhanced voice. I have been slow to come to this
conclusion, although all the signs have been present for many years. Recent events have focused my understanding of this phenomenon.
Natalya is forever suggesting that I not yell all the time. She seems concerned for her hearing and has recently asked that I take a few steps
back before allowing air to pass by my vocal cords, and that is just when I want to whisper sweet nothings in her ear. I will not mention how
far it is that I must travel just to carry on a normal conversation with her.
Luckily for me though I need hearing aids and am not bothered by this voice of mine. I suppose it could be said that that is why I speak with
such volume. Yes, I believe you could say that I am hearing impaired. I do not look at this as a disability though. I believe it is a blessing.
It is especially good if others know of this "handicap" of mine. That way I can avoid answering some silly question someone might ask me and
they would not be offended knowing of my "handicap". Right? Makes sense does it not? Don't you agree?
Examples of this might be when Natalya asks if I can take out the trash. I, of course, can not hear her and quicken my pace in the other
direction. I turn the corner and leave the area as quick as possible even though vocal vibrations are still wafting passed the little bones in
my ear. Yea I can still hear her but she should only feel pity for me because of my "handicap". Right?
Apparently, Natalya being from another culture has not picked up on our American ways when it comes to how the "Handicapped" should be
properly treated. Examples of this could be when as I am retreating around the corner and the aforementioned trash smacks the wall just as I
leave its flight path. Now it is hard for even a handicapped person such as I to miss something like that. Of course I pick up the trash and
dispose of it in the proper way. (Now remember that these are only possible examples and should not in any way be compared to real life,
rather I only put them forth to fill a little space in this story.)
Now lets see, what was the purpose of this story in the first place? Ah, yes! I was talking about loud noises. At least that is what I intended to
talk about, before I wondered so far a field.
I have never been embarrassed by this voice of mine, in fact, it has been a blessing. Yea, I know I have already said that but it just seemed
like the right thing to say here so live with it. In church when I would "have" to give a talk I never used the microphone, nor did I need the
microphone for the plays that I was in. All within the auditorium or chapel were able to hear all that I was required to say. Heck for that matter
all those feigning a reason to be in the foyer could not escape my message.
Thus I ventured forth with the knowledge that when I spoke people listened even if they did not want to. So you could imagine my horror
when the other day I tried to express myself and all that could be heard was a little squeak. The sound that was produced was of such an
inadequate volume as to cause nothing to take any notice at all, least of all the intended recipient of said squeak. The individual at whom the
squeak was directed showed no reaction and this just exasperated the whole matter.
I guess at this point I should explain the situation a little more clearly so that my words will speak as loud as I used to. Davey and I were
driving down the road the other day when we merely by chance came upon a Geo Metro. Normally I would not have taken any notice of this
car but on this occasion I did.
My strong scrutiny of this vehicle had nothing to do with the fact that my friend Steve had just bought one. Nor did it have anything to do with
my concern over how he was going to get a full grown cow elk into that very tiny, compact car, following our hunt in Wyoming this fall. ( As a
side note to myself I need to remember to have the camera close at hand to document the physical gyrations and body slams that will go along
with this procedure) Of course Steve has little concern about this procedure owing to the fact that he has yet to see a live elk on two
previous hunts with me.
I hope you all will indulge me here a minute while I talk just to Steve. Steve, it is not about the killing. It is all about the hard times and
companionship that go along with the hunt itself. Don't think about those 20 hour drives one way nor the empty coolers on the return trip.
Think only about the stories you will hear around the campfire and never mind that you have already heard them on the two previous trips.
(please no one tell Steve that there really are no elk in Wyoming, I would hate to discourage him)
OK, so back to the Geo Metro. That darn little car was in the carpool lane and it was going below the speed limit. Now it is not often that I am
privileged enough to have the required number of people occupying a vehicle that I am driving, to use the carpool lane. When I do I want to
utilize that lane to its fullest extent and go fast. Now I must say that that little car is really not much of an impediment to my very large and
aggressive Dodge Ram Diesel Pick-up. I could have in fact I believe run right over that small little under powered slug of a car (no offense
Steve) but being that I am a very non aggressive driver I decided to honk my horn to get their attention.
You would have thought though that they would have moved over on their own seeing the black beast behind them but I think that they were
so small that all they could see was under the truck and thus had no idea I was there. On the other hand, it is possible that they were not to
intelligent, I mean look at what they were driving! Should anyone that would buy a car like that be aloud on the streets? (opps! Sorry Steve.)
So I prepared myself to push the sounding device on the steering wheel of the black beast. When enough pressure was applied to the
correct spot the sound emitted was as I had expressed earlier. It was disheartening! How could such a pitiful sound come from a truck such
as mine.
Not wanting anyone to know who had just squeaked I quickly moved over to the slow lane and reduced my speed. I was not sure what I was
going to do. How was I going to live with this truck. It was then that I remembered some thing someone used to say on a TV show that I would
watch once in a while. I needed "more power."
Thus our odyssey into the world of vehicular sounding devices began. There were many different kinds available at the local parts store.
Some claimed to be twice louder than factory. Others just said loud. After trying and returning many, the parts guy asked me what did I want
from a vehicular sounding device.
What did I want? Was he kidding? Could he not see what I was driving? I want a horn that when pushed will get some notice. I want to drive
down the street and be able to set off car alarms from the activation of this horn. I want to be able to clear a path, with the sound of this horn,
through a swirling mass of bugs if I have just washed my truck. And mostly, what I want the next time I approach a Geo Metro going too slowly
in the car pool lane, is to be able to vibrate them right off the road and out of my way, having them know that they were lucky to have survived
their encounter with the beast. The guy turned his back on me and as he walked away he was heard to mumble something about "Road
Rage."
The search is still going on for the new horn for my truck. The latest thing I have come up with is somehow tying an air horn or two into the
trubo on the engine, but I believe that will take a little more study on my part. Bye all!
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