Last night my son and I were watching a movie about WII prisoners of war. As movies go the beginning
was quite interesting and exciting. The movie depicts the sequence of events leading up to the capture of
a headquarters type soldier. One who I am sure thought that he would never see any real combat. In fact
his father, a Senator, had tried to make sure of that by getting him the placement at headquarters. The son
like most young sons though, did not fully appreciate this act of love on his fathers part. He longed for the
smell of real battle. When the chance came up to drive a captain back to the front lines he took it. He could
have ordered someone else to drive the captain back but he did not. No he thought that battle would be
greener on the other side of the hill, than it was in the black and white letters and documents he read and
passed on each day.
Hmmm! That reminds me, the greener part I mean, of something that I thought I would tell you. I will get
back to the young soldier in a minute.
The accomplishment of ones goals can sometimes take you to a place other than the one you were
headed for. For instance, you go for a drive one fine evening. You have picked a destination out for the
drive but end up in an entirely different spot. Now this new spot could be better or it could be worse and
unpleasant. The point is though that you ended up somewhere you did not intend at first to be. I am sure
that if you think about it you can come up with a time or two that this has happened to you. If not, you
might give my sister a call and ask her about it.
While on the way to work one morning she found that an abandoned truck blocked her way. She would
have to exit her driveway in a different manner than normal and would thus end up in a place other than
the one she intended or planned. Now granted that with a little help from my brother in law, she was
guided to a new spot in the street and was now able to proceed on to work. A small detour yes!
Significant? Probably not. As unplanned trips go this was not a big one. Or was it?
Things are not always as they seem. Especially when you find yourself in a Swirling Mass of
Circumstances. ("SMC") Further on down the road that morning my sister met up with someone she did
not know at all. Someone she had not planned to meet that morning. Someone who under different
circumstances she would not even have said hello to if she saw him on the street. But that morning she
found herself doing all she could to get to know the guy. The guy though, had no desire to get to know her
and evaded all my sisters invitations, if not to become friends, at least to get more aquatinted.
They were both caught up in a 'SMC'. Yes, the stranger had caused an accident and my sister's only
intention was to get his insurance information. He on the other hand I am sure, was trying to keep up with
his plans and not let the "SMC" he was caught in slow him down. Thus, he left the area as soon as
possible.
Neither one wanted to be at that particular spot that morning at that time but found themselves there,
nonetheless. When one finds themselves in a 'SMC' it is best to stop moving because when in a 'SMC' it is
hard to see the greater picture and it is easy to hit something. I do need to talk to my sister about 'SMC'
identification because just a few days later she tried another accident. Had she been properly instructed,
possibly she could have just stopped that morning when she saw her way blocked by the 'SMC' she was
about to step into.
I have talked on previous occasions about my desire to have the greenest lawn in my neighborhood. I
had no idea what I was getting myself into with this plan of mine. Had I been as knowledgeable as I am
now maybe I would have also just stopped. The work required for the greenest lawn is not so bad.
Although, if you were to talk to Bashoy Raub (large slave boy in Russian) you would think he had been put
in a prison camp……………………..
Hey wait! That ties in with the beginning of this story, but it is not where I planned to tie the ends
together……. What is that swirling there? Hmm!………. Should I stop?
Well as I was saying Bashoy Raub squeals like a stuck pig when it comes to my yard and the work
required to keep it looking its best. For that matter the High Commander squeals when she sees the water
bill. Maybe in some strange way they are becoming like each other?…….No! No!……Whew it was just a
dream! Or was it?
Bashoy Raub has convinced his friends that I am possessed by my yard. The front yard in particular
has to be paid special attention to when mowing it. He finds my requirements a little excessive.
Requirements follow!…..
When mowing the front yard the direction mowed each time will be different. Also, the lawn will be
mowed twice each time it is mowed, in different directions, so as to make sure all grass blades are properly
shortened and the proper diamond design appears. There will be no clumps of grass left lying around the
lawn. If said clumps appear, mow it again or rake it until the clumps are gone. The lawn will never be
allowed to look as though it were un-mowed. All lawn edges will be straight and trimmed and flower beds
will be weeded and cleaned of any dirty decorative bark. The bark will be cleaned and replaced back in the
beds. The lawn will be weeded with chemicals once a week. Weekly inspections for insects will also be
done.
True, these requirements take a great amount of time and effort. But the results are stunning. Many
people have asked me what I do to keep the lawn so green. Keeping Bashoy Raub fed is important I tell
them, or else he wont have the energy to keep going. Also getting to the mailbox to intercept the water bill
at the first of the month before the High Commander is high on the list. Having the greenest lawn is the
answer to my dreams, although the super bowl grounds keepers have yet to call? Hmm!…..More
fertilizer? "Bashoy Raub……Come here!"
Bashoy Raub dose not fully understand the love that I bestow on him with these requirements. He longs
for the freedom of the quiet fishing hole along the river. He longs for the company of friends who now are
afraid to show up for fear I will have them working here on some project or other. A while back I lured a few
of these friends here to help with a project. It took little more than the suggestion that there would be pizza
available for eating. Little did they know the rigors of pouring a cement driveway.
Still, during the Christmas season I am able to tell people how to get to my house by just saying look for
the house with the most lights. Likewise, during the rest of the year I can comfortably say look for the
greenest lawn. Ease of direction finding was one of the unintended things I ran into while in the 'SMC" but
the most unusual happened last night. I had no idea what the accomplishment of my goals would bring
but I would soon find out. I digress though, so lets go back to the story at the beginning. The young
soldier is waiting.
The young soldier is captured by the enemy posing as friendly soldiers. He is put into a prison camp
and experiences many unpleasant things along the way. In the end though he learns much and survives
his trials. Next time he will stay away from the front lines, away from trouble! Away from driveways with
crazy owners!
I am sure the young man I was choking to death in my front yard would have had many of the same
thoughts running through his mind as I twisted the chain around his neck tighter and tighter. In fact at one
point he started screaming "they are killing me….they are killing me" as loudly as anyone who is being
choked to death, can. I really had no intentions of killing him but I was hoping he would soon pass out
from the lack of something, whether it be blood or oxygen, and thus quit struggling. Let me start again so
you can get the full impact of the story.
I think you all know that I had some stuff taken from my truck a while back. Well after this experience I put
up an infra red sensor that would tell me anytime when someone entered the yard. We normally only turn
this on as we go to bed at night. It makes a ding dong sound in our bedroom when it detects something.
Up unto this point all it had caught was Bashoy Raub coming home later than he should have.
As I said, Bashoy Raub and I were watching a movie last night. At about the half way point or at about
10:30 PM, we were sitting at the dinning room table eating snacks while watching. We heard the front door
open. It seemed strange that the High Commander would be opening the door at that time of night. What
was even stranger was when she started screaming that something was wrong and to come here. There
was some urgency to her voice so I was at the door faster than I thought I could be. Adrenaline is an
amazing drug!
To back up a bit……Natalya had gone to bed and had turned the infra red receiver on. Soon there after
she heard it ding dong. Thus her reason for opening the front door.
I saw an individual dressed in black with a black face mask on, standing by the front of my truck. As I came
out the door he raised his hands in the air in a, at least what I perceived as a, threatening manner. Not
knowing what weapons he might have other than the flashlight he had in his hand, and being already to
close to him to retreat if it were a gun, I rushed forward and tackled him. I was yelling a few choice words
at him and suggesting he might stop struggling. He was yelling back at me that he was only here picking
mushrooms. I was momentarily stunned by these words not knowing that mushrooms grew in cement.
Knowing though that the High Commander loved mushrooms and would want me to protect them I
wrestled on.
I wanted to try and control his hands but at the same time did not want him to get away which was a very
big possibility at that point. I was struggling with him for what seemed like quite a while when Bashoy
Raub came out the door. I am sure it was mere seconds but seemed much longer. I told Bashoy Raub to
go get a gun and told The High Commander to call 911. Soon the High Comander was back screaming
into the phone that I was going to kill the guy or he might kill me, could they please send someone to help.
She also was yelling at the guy and doing something to him although I was a bit busy at the time to be very
precise in my observations. Whatever she was doing, whether KGB secret torture or not, it did not have
much affect on the guy. During the first moments of my struggle with the Mushroom Picker my right hand
came into contact with the previously mentioned chain around his neck. I held tight to the chain and
started twisting it as hard as I could. This did gain me a good measure of control. Bashoy Raub soon
came out and said that he could not find the gun I asked for. "OK help me keep control of this guy until the
cops come then," I said.
Due to the pallid look on the Mushroom Pickers face, Bashoy Raub mentioned that I might want to let up
on the chain else I kill the guy. I told him and the guy I had no intention of doing this until the guy quit
struggling. I was not going to loosen my grip on him. Still not knowing what weapons he might have. I
was not sure what a Mushroom Picker might carry.
Sometime around here I saw a neighbor come out his door as you might expect in a situation like this
when I am sure it sound like a full on fight at a bar with all of the same language and noise as you might
expect. I requested his help and he was soon there. The Mushroom Picker did relax some at this point as
much from the lack of life giving nutrients as from the extra man power arriving to help control him. My
neighbor ordered him to quit struggling and get on the ground. Quite forcefully I might add. I let go of the
guy and he complied. Soon though he tried to get up and get away. I tackled him to the ground again but
was not holding the chain. He made a move to his pocket. I got my arm around his neck again and really
started to try and choke him out. I think he was very near passing out, and soon started bleeding from his
nose and mouth.
I let go of his neck here and Bashoy Raub and I got his arms around behind his back. To emphasize
things I gave his arm a strong pull upward inflicting as much pain as necessary to get my point across.
Several sheriffs finally showed up and took over the Mushroom Picker.
Now here is where it all ties into the stories I told at the beginning of the writing here. The Mushroom
Picker kept yelling that he was only out looking for mushrooms. "Why were you looking for mushrooms
here?" the Sheriff asked him. He said, …….(Now Pay Attention, listen to what he said…..Are you
listening?) He said, "because the lawn was so green." At least the Mushroom Picker was observant.
Who thought it would attract Mushroom Pickers. You see what I mean about unintended circumstances.
About 'SMC's causing you to run into things?
Well the Mushroom Picker did have a criminal record and the Police found a screw driver and pliers and
something else in his backpack that evades me at this point. They charged him with, Criminal
Trespass……Car Prowl…..and Having possession of burglary tools. I wanted them to charge him with
Assault but being that he was the only one to have grievous bodily injuries, and that the slight injuries I
had came from holding him they thought it would not hold.
I now worry about other people the green oasis in my front yard might attract. Camel caravans maybe?
Don't laugh, up until now I would have never thought it would attract mushroom pickers. Chlorophyll
Collectors? Superbowl grounds keepers? One can only hope!
was quite interesting and exciting. The movie depicts the sequence of events leading up to the capture of
a headquarters type soldier. One who I am sure thought that he would never see any real combat. In fact
his father, a Senator, had tried to make sure of that by getting him the placement at headquarters. The son
like most young sons though, did not fully appreciate this act of love on his fathers part. He longed for the
smell of real battle. When the chance came up to drive a captain back to the front lines he took it. He could
have ordered someone else to drive the captain back but he did not. No he thought that battle would be
greener on the other side of the hill, than it was in the black and white letters and documents he read and
passed on each day.
Hmmm! That reminds me, the greener part I mean, of something that I thought I would tell you. I will get
back to the young soldier in a minute.
The accomplishment of ones goals can sometimes take you to a place other than the one you were
headed for. For instance, you go for a drive one fine evening. You have picked a destination out for the
drive but end up in an entirely different spot. Now this new spot could be better or it could be worse and
unpleasant. The point is though that you ended up somewhere you did not intend at first to be. I am sure
that if you think about it you can come up with a time or two that this has happened to you. If not, you
might give my sister a call and ask her about it.
While on the way to work one morning she found that an abandoned truck blocked her way. She would
have to exit her driveway in a different manner than normal and would thus end up in a place other than
the one she intended or planned. Now granted that with a little help from my brother in law, she was
guided to a new spot in the street and was now able to proceed on to work. A small detour yes!
Significant? Probably not. As unplanned trips go this was not a big one. Or was it?
Things are not always as they seem. Especially when you find yourself in a Swirling Mass of
Circumstances. ("SMC") Further on down the road that morning my sister met up with someone she did
not know at all. Someone she had not planned to meet that morning. Someone who under different
circumstances she would not even have said hello to if she saw him on the street. But that morning she
found herself doing all she could to get to know the guy. The guy though, had no desire to get to know her
and evaded all my sisters invitations, if not to become friends, at least to get more aquatinted.
They were both caught up in a 'SMC'. Yes, the stranger had caused an accident and my sister's only
intention was to get his insurance information. He on the other hand I am sure, was trying to keep up with
his plans and not let the "SMC" he was caught in slow him down. Thus, he left the area as soon as
possible.
Neither one wanted to be at that particular spot that morning at that time but found themselves there,
nonetheless. When one finds themselves in a 'SMC' it is best to stop moving because when in a 'SMC' it is
hard to see the greater picture and it is easy to hit something. I do need to talk to my sister about 'SMC'
identification because just a few days later she tried another accident. Had she been properly instructed,
possibly she could have just stopped that morning when she saw her way blocked by the 'SMC' she was
about to step into.
I have talked on previous occasions about my desire to have the greenest lawn in my neighborhood. I
had no idea what I was getting myself into with this plan of mine. Had I been as knowledgeable as I am
now maybe I would have also just stopped. The work required for the greenest lawn is not so bad.
Although, if you were to talk to Bashoy Raub (large slave boy in Russian) you would think he had been put
in a prison camp……………………..
Hey wait! That ties in with the beginning of this story, but it is not where I planned to tie the ends
together……. What is that swirling there? Hmm!………. Should I stop?
Well as I was saying Bashoy Raub squeals like a stuck pig when it comes to my yard and the work
required to keep it looking its best. For that matter the High Commander squeals when she sees the water
bill. Maybe in some strange way they are becoming like each other?…….No! No!……Whew it was just a
dream! Or was it?
Bashoy Raub has convinced his friends that I am possessed by my yard. The front yard in particular
has to be paid special attention to when mowing it. He finds my requirements a little excessive.
Requirements follow!…..
When mowing the front yard the direction mowed each time will be different. Also, the lawn will be
mowed twice each time it is mowed, in different directions, so as to make sure all grass blades are properly
shortened and the proper diamond design appears. There will be no clumps of grass left lying around the
lawn. If said clumps appear, mow it again or rake it until the clumps are gone. The lawn will never be
allowed to look as though it were un-mowed. All lawn edges will be straight and trimmed and flower beds
will be weeded and cleaned of any dirty decorative bark. The bark will be cleaned and replaced back in the
beds. The lawn will be weeded with chemicals once a week. Weekly inspections for insects will also be
done.
True, these requirements take a great amount of time and effort. But the results are stunning. Many
people have asked me what I do to keep the lawn so green. Keeping Bashoy Raub fed is important I tell
them, or else he wont have the energy to keep going. Also getting to the mailbox to intercept the water bill
at the first of the month before the High Commander is high on the list. Having the greenest lawn is the
answer to my dreams, although the super bowl grounds keepers have yet to call? Hmm!…..More
fertilizer? "Bashoy Raub……Come here!"
Bashoy Raub dose not fully understand the love that I bestow on him with these requirements. He longs
for the freedom of the quiet fishing hole along the river. He longs for the company of friends who now are
afraid to show up for fear I will have them working here on some project or other. A while back I lured a few
of these friends here to help with a project. It took little more than the suggestion that there would be pizza
available for eating. Little did they know the rigors of pouring a cement driveway.
Still, during the Christmas season I am able to tell people how to get to my house by just saying look for
the house with the most lights. Likewise, during the rest of the year I can comfortably say look for the
greenest lawn. Ease of direction finding was one of the unintended things I ran into while in the 'SMC" but
the most unusual happened last night. I had no idea what the accomplishment of my goals would bring
but I would soon find out. I digress though, so lets go back to the story at the beginning. The young
soldier is waiting.
The young soldier is captured by the enemy posing as friendly soldiers. He is put into a prison camp
and experiences many unpleasant things along the way. In the end though he learns much and survives
his trials. Next time he will stay away from the front lines, away from trouble! Away from driveways with
crazy owners!
I am sure the young man I was choking to death in my front yard would have had many of the same
thoughts running through his mind as I twisted the chain around his neck tighter and tighter. In fact at one
point he started screaming "they are killing me….they are killing me" as loudly as anyone who is being
choked to death, can. I really had no intentions of killing him but I was hoping he would soon pass out
from the lack of something, whether it be blood or oxygen, and thus quit struggling. Let me start again so
you can get the full impact of the story.
I think you all know that I had some stuff taken from my truck a while back. Well after this experience I put
up an infra red sensor that would tell me anytime when someone entered the yard. We normally only turn
this on as we go to bed at night. It makes a ding dong sound in our bedroom when it detects something.
Up unto this point all it had caught was Bashoy Raub coming home later than he should have.
As I said, Bashoy Raub and I were watching a movie last night. At about the half way point or at about
10:30 PM, we were sitting at the dinning room table eating snacks while watching. We heard the front door
open. It seemed strange that the High Commander would be opening the door at that time of night. What
was even stranger was when she started screaming that something was wrong and to come here. There
was some urgency to her voice so I was at the door faster than I thought I could be. Adrenaline is an
amazing drug!
To back up a bit……Natalya had gone to bed and had turned the infra red receiver on. Soon there after
she heard it ding dong. Thus her reason for opening the front door.
I saw an individual dressed in black with a black face mask on, standing by the front of my truck. As I came
out the door he raised his hands in the air in a, at least what I perceived as a, threatening manner. Not
knowing what weapons he might have other than the flashlight he had in his hand, and being already to
close to him to retreat if it were a gun, I rushed forward and tackled him. I was yelling a few choice words
at him and suggesting he might stop struggling. He was yelling back at me that he was only here picking
mushrooms. I was momentarily stunned by these words not knowing that mushrooms grew in cement.
Knowing though that the High Commander loved mushrooms and would want me to protect them I
wrestled on.
I wanted to try and control his hands but at the same time did not want him to get away which was a very
big possibility at that point. I was struggling with him for what seemed like quite a while when Bashoy
Raub came out the door. I am sure it was mere seconds but seemed much longer. I told Bashoy Raub to
go get a gun and told The High Commander to call 911. Soon the High Comander was back screaming
into the phone that I was going to kill the guy or he might kill me, could they please send someone to help.
She also was yelling at the guy and doing something to him although I was a bit busy at the time to be very
precise in my observations. Whatever she was doing, whether KGB secret torture or not, it did not have
much affect on the guy. During the first moments of my struggle with the Mushroom Picker my right hand
came into contact with the previously mentioned chain around his neck. I held tight to the chain and
started twisting it as hard as I could. This did gain me a good measure of control. Bashoy Raub soon
came out and said that he could not find the gun I asked for. "OK help me keep control of this guy until the
cops come then," I said.
Due to the pallid look on the Mushroom Pickers face, Bashoy Raub mentioned that I might want to let up
on the chain else I kill the guy. I told him and the guy I had no intention of doing this until the guy quit
struggling. I was not going to loosen my grip on him. Still not knowing what weapons he might have. I
was not sure what a Mushroom Picker might carry.
Sometime around here I saw a neighbor come out his door as you might expect in a situation like this
when I am sure it sound like a full on fight at a bar with all of the same language and noise as you might
expect. I requested his help and he was soon there. The Mushroom Picker did relax some at this point as
much from the lack of life giving nutrients as from the extra man power arriving to help control him. My
neighbor ordered him to quit struggling and get on the ground. Quite forcefully I might add. I let go of the
guy and he complied. Soon though he tried to get up and get away. I tackled him to the ground again but
was not holding the chain. He made a move to his pocket. I got my arm around his neck again and really
started to try and choke him out. I think he was very near passing out, and soon started bleeding from his
nose and mouth.
I let go of his neck here and Bashoy Raub and I got his arms around behind his back. To emphasize
things I gave his arm a strong pull upward inflicting as much pain as necessary to get my point across.
Several sheriffs finally showed up and took over the Mushroom Picker.
Now here is where it all ties into the stories I told at the beginning of the writing here. The Mushroom
Picker kept yelling that he was only out looking for mushrooms. "Why were you looking for mushrooms
here?" the Sheriff asked him. He said, …….(Now Pay Attention, listen to what he said…..Are you
listening?) He said, "because the lawn was so green." At least the Mushroom Picker was observant.
Who thought it would attract Mushroom Pickers. You see what I mean about unintended circumstances.
About 'SMC's causing you to run into things?
Well the Mushroom Picker did have a criminal record and the Police found a screw driver and pliers and
something else in his backpack that evades me at this point. They charged him with, Criminal
Trespass……Car Prowl…..and Having possession of burglary tools. I wanted them to charge him with
Assault but being that he was the only one to have grievous bodily injuries, and that the slight injuries I
had came from holding him they thought it would not hold.
I now worry about other people the green oasis in my front yard might attract. Camel caravans maybe?
Don't laugh, up until now I would have never thought it would attract mushroom pickers. Chlorophyll
Collectors? Superbowl grounds keepers? One can only hope!
 | |  | |  | |  |
The Mushroom Picker