Last night my son and I were watching a movie about WII prisoners of war. As movies go the
beginning was quite interesting and exciting. The movie depicts the sequence of events leading up to
the capture of a headquarters type soldier. One who I am sure thought that he would never see any real
combat. In fact his father, a Senator, had tried to make sure of that by getting him the placement at
headquarters. The son like most young sons though, did not fully appreciate this act of love on his
fathers part. He longed for the smell of real battle. When the chance came up to drive a captain back to
the front lines he took it. He could have ordered someone else to drive the captain back but he did not.
No he thought that battle would be greener on the other side of the hill, than it was in the black and
white letters and documents he read and passed on each day.
Hmmm! That reminds me, the greener part I mean, of something that I thought I would tell you. I will get
back to the young soldier in a minute.
The accomplishment of ones goals can sometimes take you to a place other than the one you were
headed for. For instance, you go for a drive one fine evening. You have picked a destination out for the
drive but end up in an entirely different spot. Now this new spot could be better or it could be worse
and unpleasant. The point is though that you ended up somewhere you did not intend at first to be. I
am sure that if you think about it you can come up with a time or two that this has happened to you. If
not, you might give my sister a call and ask her about it.
While on the way to work one morning she found that an abandoned truck blocked her way. She would
have to exit her driveway in a different manner than normal and would thus end up in a place other than
the one she intended or planned. Now granted that with a little help from my brother in law, she was
guided to a new spot in the street and was now able to proceed on to work. A small detour yes!
Significant? Probably not. As unplanned trips go this was not a big one. Or was it?
Things are not always as they seem. Especially when you find yourself in a Swirling Mass of
Circumstances. ("SMC") Further on down the road that morning my sister met up with someone she
did not know at all. Someone she had not planned to meet that morning. Someone who under different
circumstances she would not even have said hello to if she saw him on the street. But that morning she
found herself doing all she could to get to know the guy. The guy though, had no desire to get to know
her and evaded all my sisters invitations, if not to become friends, at least to get more aquatinted.
They were both caught up in a 'SMC'. Yes, the stranger had caused an accident and my sister's only
intention was to get his insurance information. He on the other hand I am sure, was trying to keep up
with his plans and not let the "SMC" he was caught in slow him down. Thus, he left the area as soon as
possible.
Neither one wanted to be at that particular spot that morning at that time but found themselves there,
nonetheless. When one finds themselves in a 'SMC' it is best to stop moving because when in a 'SMC' it
is hard to see the greater picture and it is easy to hit something. I do need to talk to my sister about
'SMC' identification because just a few days later she tried another accident. Had she been properly
instructed, possibly she could have just stopped that morning when she saw her way blocked by the
'SMC' she was about to step into.
I have talked on previous occasions about my desire to have the greenest lawn in my neighborhood. I
had no idea what I was getting myself into with this plan of mine. Had I been as knowledgeable as I am
now maybe I would have also just stopped. The work required for the greenest lawn is not so bad.
Although, if you were to talk to Bashoy Raub (large slave boy in Russian) you would think he had been
put in a prison camp……………………..
Hey wait! That ties in with the beginning of this story, but it is not where I planned to tie the ends
together……. What is that swirling there? Hmm!………. Should I stop?
Well as I was saying Bashoy Raub squeals like a stuck pig when it comes to my yard and the work
required to keep it looking its best. For that matter the High Commander squeals when she sees the
water bill. Maybe in some strange way they are becoming like each other?…….No! No!……Whew it was
just a dream! Or was it?
Bashoy Raub has convinced his friends that I am possessed by my yard. The front yard in particular
has to be paid special attention to when mowing it. He finds my requirements a little excessive.
Requirements follow!…..
When mowing the front yard the direction mowed each time will be different. Also, the lawn will be
mowed twice each time it is mowed, in different directions, so as to make sure all grass blades are
properly shortened and the proper diamond design appears. There will be no clumps of grass left lying
around the lawn. If said clumps appear, mow it again or rake it until the clumps are gone. The lawn will
never be allowed to look as though it were un-mowed. All lawn edges will be straight and trimmed and
flower beds will be weeded and cleaned of any dirty decorative bark. The bark will be cleaned and
replaced back in the beds. The lawn will be weeded with chemicals once a week. Weekly inspections
for insects will also be done.
True, these requirements take a great amount of time and effort. But the results are stunning. Many
people have asked me what I do to keep the lawn so green. Keeping Bashoy Raub fed is important I tell
them, or else he wont have the energy to keep going. Also getting to the mailbox to intercept the water
bill at the first of the month before the High Commander is high on the list. Having the greenest lawn is
the answer to my dreams, although the super bowl grounds keepers have yet to call? Hmm!…..More
fertilizer? "Bashoy Raub……Come here!"
Bashoy Raub dose not fully understand the love that I bestow on him with these requirements. He
longs for the freedom of the quiet fishing hole along the river. He longs for the company of friends who
now are afraid to show up for fear I will have them working here on some project or other. A while back I
lured a few of these friends here to help with a project. It took little more than the suggestion that there
would be pizza available for eating. Little did they know the rigors of pouring a cement driveway.
Still, during the Christmas season I am able to tell people how to get to my house by just saying look for
the house with the most lights. Likewise, during the rest of the year I can comfortably say look for the
greenest lawn. Ease of direction finding was one of the unintended things I ran into while in the 'SMC"
but the most unusual happened last night. I had no idea what the accomplishment of my goals would
bring but I would soon find out. I digress though, so lets go back to the story at the beginning. The
young soldier is waiting.
The young soldier is captured by the enemy posing as friendly soldiers. He is put into a prison camp
and experiences many unpleasant things along the way. In the end though he learns much and
survives his trials. Next time he will stay away from the front lines, away from trouble! Away from
driveways with crazy owners!
I am sure the young man I was choking to death in my front yard would have had many of the same
thoughts running through his mind as I twisted the chain around his neck tighter and tighter. In fact at
one point he started screaming "they are killing me….they are killing me" as loudly as anyone who is
being choked to death, can. I really had no intentions of killing him but I was hoping he would soon
pass out from the lack of something, whether it be blood or oxygen, and thus quit struggling. Let me
start again so you can get the full impact of the story.
I think you all know that I had some stuff taken from my truck a while back. Well after this experience I
put up an infra red sensor that would tell me anytime when someone entered the yard. We normally
only turn this on as we go to bed at night. It makes a ding dong sound in our bedroom when it detects
something. Up unto this point all it had caught was Bashoy Raub coming home later than he should
have.
As I said, Bashoy Raub and I were watching a movie last night. At about the half way point or at about
10:30 PM, we were sitting at the dinning room table eating snacks while watching. We heard the front
door open. It seemed strange that the High Commander would be opening the door at that time of
night. What was even stranger was when she started screaming that something was wrong and to
come here. There was some urgency to her voice so I was at the door faster than I thought I could be.
Adrenaline is an amazing drug!
To back up a bit……Natalya had gone to bed and had turned the infra red receiver on. Soon there after
she heard it ding dong. Thus her reason for opening the front door.
I saw an individual dressed in black with a black face mask on, standing by the front of my truck. As I
came out the door he raised his hands in the air in a, at least what I perceived as a, threatening manner.
Not knowing what weapons he might have other than the flashlight he had in his hand, and being
already to close to him to retreat if it were a gun, I rushed forward and tackled him. I was yelling a few
choice words at him and suggesting he might stop struggling. He was yelling back at me that he was
only here picking mushrooms. I was momentarily stunned by these words not knowing that
mushrooms grew in cement. Knowing though that the High Commander loved mushrooms and would
want me to protect them I wrestled on.
I wanted to try and control his hands but at the same time did not want him to get away which was a
very big possibility at that point. I was struggling with him for what seemed like quite a while when
Bashoy Raub came out the door. I am sure it was mere seconds but seemed much longer. I told
Bashoy Raub to go get a gun and told The High Commander to call 911. Soon the High Comander was
back screaming into the phone that I was going to kill the guy or he might kill me, could they please
send someone to help. She also was yelling at the guy and doing something to him although I was a bit
busy at the time to be very precise in my observations. Whatever she was doing, whether KGB secret
torture or not, it did not have much affect on the guy. During the first moments of my struggle with the
Mushroom Picker my right hand came into contact with the previously mentioned chain around his
neck. I held tight to the chain and started twisting it as hard as I could. This did gain me a good
measure of control. Bashoy Raub soon came out and said that he could not find the gun I asked for.
"OK help me keep control of this guy until the cops come then," I said.
Due to the pallid look on the Mushroom Pickers face, Bashoy Raub mentioned that I might want to let
up on the chain else I kill the guy. I told him and the guy I had no intention of doing this until the guy
quit struggling. I was not going to loosen my grip on him. Still not knowing what weapons he might
have. I was not sure what a Mushroom Picker might carry.
Sometime around here I saw a neighbor come out his door as you might expect in a situation like this
when I am sure it sound like a full on fight at a bar with all of the same language and noise as you might
expect. I requested his help and he was soon there. The Mushroom Picker did relax some at this point
as much from the lack of life giving nutrients as from the extra man power arriving to help control him.
My neighbor ordered him to quit struggling and get on the ground. Quite forcefully I might add. I let go
of the guy and he complied. Soon though he tried to get up and get away. I tackled him to the ground
again but was not holding the chain. He made a move to his pocket. I got my arm around his neck
again and really started to try and choke him out. I think he was very near passing out, and soon
started bleeding from his nose and mouth.
I let go of his neck here and Bashoy Raub and I got his arms around behind his back. To emphasize
things I gave his arm a strong pull upward inflicting as much pain as necessary to get my point across.
Several sheriffs finally showed up and took over the Mushroom Picker.
Now here is where it all ties into the stories I told at the beginning of the writing here. The Mushroom
Picker kept yelling that he was only out looking for mushrooms. "Why were you looking for
mushrooms here?" the Sheriff asked him. He said, …….(Now Pay Attention, listen to what he said…..
Are you listening?) He said, "because the lawn was so green." At least the Mushroom Picker was
observant. Who thought it would attract Mushroom Pickers. You see what I mean about unintended
circumstances. About 'SMC's causing you to run into things?
Well the Mushroom Picker did have a criminal record and the Police found a screw driver and pliers and
something else in his backpack that evades me at this point. They charged him with, Criminal
Trespass……Car Prowl…..and Having possession of burglary tools. I wanted them to charge him with
Assault but being that he was the only one to have grievous bodily injuries, and that the slight injuries I
had came from holding him they thought it would not hold.
I now worry about other people the green oasis in my front yard might attract. Camel caravans maybe?
Don't laugh, up until now I would have never thought it would attract mushroom pickers. Chlorophyll
Collectors? Superbowl grounds keepers? One can only hope!
beginning was quite interesting and exciting. The movie depicts the sequence of events leading up to
the capture of a headquarters type soldier. One who I am sure thought that he would never see any real
combat. In fact his father, a Senator, had tried to make sure of that by getting him the placement at
headquarters. The son like most young sons though, did not fully appreciate this act of love on his
fathers part. He longed for the smell of real battle. When the chance came up to drive a captain back to
the front lines he took it. He could have ordered someone else to drive the captain back but he did not.
No he thought that battle would be greener on the other side of the hill, than it was in the black and
white letters and documents he read and passed on each day.
Hmmm! That reminds me, the greener part I mean, of something that I thought I would tell you. I will get
back to the young soldier in a minute.
The accomplishment of ones goals can sometimes take you to a place other than the one you were
headed for. For instance, you go for a drive one fine evening. You have picked a destination out for the
drive but end up in an entirely different spot. Now this new spot could be better or it could be worse
and unpleasant. The point is though that you ended up somewhere you did not intend at first to be. I
am sure that if you think about it you can come up with a time or two that this has happened to you. If
not, you might give my sister a call and ask her about it.
While on the way to work one morning she found that an abandoned truck blocked her way. She would
have to exit her driveway in a different manner than normal and would thus end up in a place other than
the one she intended or planned. Now granted that with a little help from my brother in law, she was
guided to a new spot in the street and was now able to proceed on to work. A small detour yes!
Significant? Probably not. As unplanned trips go this was not a big one. Or was it?
Things are not always as they seem. Especially when you find yourself in a Swirling Mass of
Circumstances. ("SMC") Further on down the road that morning my sister met up with someone she
did not know at all. Someone she had not planned to meet that morning. Someone who under different
circumstances she would not even have said hello to if she saw him on the street. But that morning she
found herself doing all she could to get to know the guy. The guy though, had no desire to get to know
her and evaded all my sisters invitations, if not to become friends, at least to get more aquatinted.
They were both caught up in a 'SMC'. Yes, the stranger had caused an accident and my sister's only
intention was to get his insurance information. He on the other hand I am sure, was trying to keep up
with his plans and not let the "SMC" he was caught in slow him down. Thus, he left the area as soon as
possible.
Neither one wanted to be at that particular spot that morning at that time but found themselves there,
nonetheless. When one finds themselves in a 'SMC' it is best to stop moving because when in a 'SMC' it
is hard to see the greater picture and it is easy to hit something. I do need to talk to my sister about
'SMC' identification because just a few days later she tried another accident. Had she been properly
instructed, possibly she could have just stopped that morning when she saw her way blocked by the
'SMC' she was about to step into.
I have talked on previous occasions about my desire to have the greenest lawn in my neighborhood. I
had no idea what I was getting myself into with this plan of mine. Had I been as knowledgeable as I am
now maybe I would have also just stopped. The work required for the greenest lawn is not so bad.
Although, if you were to talk to Bashoy Raub (large slave boy in Russian) you would think he had been
put in a prison camp……………………..
Hey wait! That ties in with the beginning of this story, but it is not where I planned to tie the ends
together……. What is that swirling there? Hmm!………. Should I stop?
Well as I was saying Bashoy Raub squeals like a stuck pig when it comes to my yard and the work
required to keep it looking its best. For that matter the High Commander squeals when she sees the
water bill. Maybe in some strange way they are becoming like each other?…….No! No!……Whew it was
just a dream! Or was it?
Bashoy Raub has convinced his friends that I am possessed by my yard. The front yard in particular
has to be paid special attention to when mowing it. He finds my requirements a little excessive.
Requirements follow!…..
When mowing the front yard the direction mowed each time will be different. Also, the lawn will be
mowed twice each time it is mowed, in different directions, so as to make sure all grass blades are
properly shortened and the proper diamond design appears. There will be no clumps of grass left lying
around the lawn. If said clumps appear, mow it again or rake it until the clumps are gone. The lawn will
never be allowed to look as though it were un-mowed. All lawn edges will be straight and trimmed and
flower beds will be weeded and cleaned of any dirty decorative bark. The bark will be cleaned and
replaced back in the beds. The lawn will be weeded with chemicals once a week. Weekly inspections
for insects will also be done.
True, these requirements take a great amount of time and effort. But the results are stunning. Many
people have asked me what I do to keep the lawn so green. Keeping Bashoy Raub fed is important I tell
them, or else he wont have the energy to keep going. Also getting to the mailbox to intercept the water
bill at the first of the month before the High Commander is high on the list. Having the greenest lawn is
the answer to my dreams, although the super bowl grounds keepers have yet to call? Hmm!…..More
fertilizer? "Bashoy Raub……Come here!"
Bashoy Raub dose not fully understand the love that I bestow on him with these requirements. He
longs for the freedom of the quiet fishing hole along the river. He longs for the company of friends who
now are afraid to show up for fear I will have them working here on some project or other. A while back I
lured a few of these friends here to help with a project. It took little more than the suggestion that there
would be pizza available for eating. Little did they know the rigors of pouring a cement driveway.
Still, during the Christmas season I am able to tell people how to get to my house by just saying look for
the house with the most lights. Likewise, during the rest of the year I can comfortably say look for the
greenest lawn. Ease of direction finding was one of the unintended things I ran into while in the 'SMC"
but the most unusual happened last night. I had no idea what the accomplishment of my goals would
bring but I would soon find out. I digress though, so lets go back to the story at the beginning. The
young soldier is waiting.
The young soldier is captured by the enemy posing as friendly soldiers. He is put into a prison camp
and experiences many unpleasant things along the way. In the end though he learns much and
survives his trials. Next time he will stay away from the front lines, away from trouble! Away from
driveways with crazy owners!
I am sure the young man I was choking to death in my front yard would have had many of the same
thoughts running through his mind as I twisted the chain around his neck tighter and tighter. In fact at
one point he started screaming "they are killing me….they are killing me" as loudly as anyone who is
being choked to death, can. I really had no intentions of killing him but I was hoping he would soon
pass out from the lack of something, whether it be blood or oxygen, and thus quit struggling. Let me
start again so you can get the full impact of the story.
I think you all know that I had some stuff taken from my truck a while back. Well after this experience I
put up an infra red sensor that would tell me anytime when someone entered the yard. We normally
only turn this on as we go to bed at night. It makes a ding dong sound in our bedroom when it detects
something. Up unto this point all it had caught was Bashoy Raub coming home later than he should
have.
As I said, Bashoy Raub and I were watching a movie last night. At about the half way point or at about
10:30 PM, we were sitting at the dinning room table eating snacks while watching. We heard the front
door open. It seemed strange that the High Commander would be opening the door at that time of
night. What was even stranger was when she started screaming that something was wrong and to
come here. There was some urgency to her voice so I was at the door faster than I thought I could be.
Adrenaline is an amazing drug!
To back up a bit……Natalya had gone to bed and had turned the infra red receiver on. Soon there after
she heard it ding dong. Thus her reason for opening the front door.
I saw an individual dressed in black with a black face mask on, standing by the front of my truck. As I
came out the door he raised his hands in the air in a, at least what I perceived as a, threatening manner.
Not knowing what weapons he might have other than the flashlight he had in his hand, and being
already to close to him to retreat if it were a gun, I rushed forward and tackled him. I was yelling a few
choice words at him and suggesting he might stop struggling. He was yelling back at me that he was
only here picking mushrooms. I was momentarily stunned by these words not knowing that
mushrooms grew in cement. Knowing though that the High Commander loved mushrooms and would
want me to protect them I wrestled on.
I wanted to try and control his hands but at the same time did not want him to get away which was a
very big possibility at that point. I was struggling with him for what seemed like quite a while when
Bashoy Raub came out the door. I am sure it was mere seconds but seemed much longer. I told
Bashoy Raub to go get a gun and told The High Commander to call 911. Soon the High Comander was
back screaming into the phone that I was going to kill the guy or he might kill me, could they please
send someone to help. She also was yelling at the guy and doing something to him although I was a bit
busy at the time to be very precise in my observations. Whatever she was doing, whether KGB secret
torture or not, it did not have much affect on the guy. During the first moments of my struggle with the
Mushroom Picker my right hand came into contact with the previously mentioned chain around his
neck. I held tight to the chain and started twisting it as hard as I could. This did gain me a good
measure of control. Bashoy Raub soon came out and said that he could not find the gun I asked for.
"OK help me keep control of this guy until the cops come then," I said.
Due to the pallid look on the Mushroom Pickers face, Bashoy Raub mentioned that I might want to let
up on the chain else I kill the guy. I told him and the guy I had no intention of doing this until the guy
quit struggling. I was not going to loosen my grip on him. Still not knowing what weapons he might
have. I was not sure what a Mushroom Picker might carry.
Sometime around here I saw a neighbor come out his door as you might expect in a situation like this
when I am sure it sound like a full on fight at a bar with all of the same language and noise as you might
expect. I requested his help and he was soon there. The Mushroom Picker did relax some at this point
as much from the lack of life giving nutrients as from the extra man power arriving to help control him.
My neighbor ordered him to quit struggling and get on the ground. Quite forcefully I might add. I let go
of the guy and he complied. Soon though he tried to get up and get away. I tackled him to the ground
again but was not holding the chain. He made a move to his pocket. I got my arm around his neck
again and really started to try and choke him out. I think he was very near passing out, and soon
started bleeding from his nose and mouth.
I let go of his neck here and Bashoy Raub and I got his arms around behind his back. To emphasize
things I gave his arm a strong pull upward inflicting as much pain as necessary to get my point across.
Several sheriffs finally showed up and took over the Mushroom Picker.
Now here is where it all ties into the stories I told at the beginning of the writing here. The Mushroom
Picker kept yelling that he was only out looking for mushrooms. "Why were you looking for
mushrooms here?" the Sheriff asked him. He said, …….(Now Pay Attention, listen to what he said…..
Are you listening?) He said, "because the lawn was so green." At least the Mushroom Picker was
observant. Who thought it would attract Mushroom Pickers. You see what I mean about unintended
circumstances. About 'SMC's causing you to run into things?
Well the Mushroom Picker did have a criminal record and the Police found a screw driver and pliers and
something else in his backpack that evades me at this point. They charged him with, Criminal
Trespass……Car Prowl…..and Having possession of burglary tools. I wanted them to charge him with
Assault but being that he was the only one to have grievous bodily injuries, and that the slight injuries I
had came from holding him they thought it would not hold.
I now worry about other people the green oasis in my front yard might attract. Camel caravans maybe?
Don't laugh, up until now I would have never thought it would attract mushroom pickers. Chlorophyll
Collectors? Superbowl grounds keepers? One can only hope!
 | |  | |  | |  |
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The Mushroom Picker