Big things can come in small packages. Take for instance the envelopes your bills come in. The
standard everyday envelope can harbor a bill so large so as to choke even the strongest and largest
of mankind. Billionaires I am sure get bills in small envelopes that look like the average person's
lifetime earnings. Gemstones come in little itty bitty envelopes and you can just imagine the very
large cost associated with these.
Meals large enough to feed whole families can be dehydrated down to fit in a small space. Only a
little water is needed to unveil the large amount of food hidden there. Computers have been, in a
word, dehydrated, and now a very small desktop model has more capacity than one that years ago
would have taken up a whole room. Our very essence, yes all our knowledge, can now be stored on
just a few micro chips. All that we are now resides along these electronic pathways.
Sitting there on the steps leading to the garage I noticed the onions Dad, my son and I had gleaned
from a field on the way home from hunting. Onions, although small, can have a very big affect on
some people. What about the very small Jalepeno pepper. It can literally burn the flesh of your
mouth if you are not careful. Yes, some small things can be very powerful.
Yes, small things can be very powerful and smart and have a very big affect on you. Thus was my
discovery when I came up against "MASTER MOUSE." It was just a little mouse. Hardly worth
worrying about! The problem was that I let it slip that I had seen one in the garage. The high
commander (my wife) ordered me to remove the vermin from the garage by any means necessary.
Little did I know our mouse watched movies and had learned a lot!
I now found myself sitting there on the steps with a can of gas next to me. I was contemplating
burning the garage down so as to accomplish my goal of eliminating that mouse. So thoroughly had
this mouse demoralized me, that I was contemplating such drastic matters. How had it come to this?
Well I am glad that you asked! Let me just tell you.
While unpacking some boxes in the garage, I disturbed the home of this mouse. As I pulled some
rope up out of this box, out popped the mouse and he ran to the corner. I did not think anything of it
at the time. Then the previous order was given to bring the mouse to his demise. I made a trip to the
hardware store and bought your average, everyday type of mousetrap.
There were many different types there on the counter. Boxes with holes in them, which trapped the
mouse inside, thus allowing you to later release the mouse in some field unharmed. Plastic traps that
had the appearance of a device that the doctor might put on your finger to read your pulse. There
were the sticky traps that you are to put in the path of the mouse and when he steps in them he can
not remove his foot and is there staring at you with those beady eyes when you check on the trap.
The shelf also contained many poisons that were reported to be fatal to a mouse when eaten. The
problem was that if I could have caught the mouse so as to feed him then I would have just killed him.
I made my purchase of the standard trap which come two to the pack. I thought this silly because I
had only one mouse but I suppose that it is a slick marketing trick to sell two traps instead of one.
When I got home I confidently put some peanut butter on the traps in the appropriate spot and set
the traps. Yes, I decided to use both traps, not wanting to waste my money. The high commander
watched as I placed my traps. I confidently espoused loudly about the small amount of time that I
figured it would take to catch the mouse. Soon the metal wire would snap closed on the head of the
mouse.
Before I went to bed that night I stepped into the garage to get the mouse out of the trap and throw
him away. Around some boxes and over the tongue of the boat trailer I went to where I had set the
trap. And sure enough, there was the mouse. I could see the beady eyes of my quarry, and his long
skinny tail. Short gray fur covered his body except along the tail. There was peanut butter on his
mouth and around the sides of his head.
The problem was that he was there starring back at me as he cleaned his face. All the peanut butter
was gone and he was asking for more. The traps were as clean as if I had just taken them out of the
package. When it was apparent to the mouse that I was not going to put more peanut butter on the
traps he left.
Ok, so I had not set the traps with a light enough touch. More peanut butter was gobbed on the
traps. Then I reset the traps to the point where they were just as likely to be set off by the stray
speck of dust as by the hated mouse. Off to bed I went feeling confident that in the morning I would
find that steel wire had met gray fur with the appropriate deadly force.
All during the night I kept thinking I heard the snapping of the trap. How this was possible to hear
from my bedroom I am not sure. I suppose I could have been dreaming but who knows. Dream I did
about the glory of finding that mouse smashed with blood leaking from all his bodily orifices. It was
hard to sleep. Sort of like the way it is before the opening of a hunting season.
The next morning I broke one of the house rules in my haste to check the traps. We are not
supposed to venture forth into the garage without sandals or shoes. Dirty feet mean dirty carpets,
but I was willing to endure the wrath of the high commander just to see that dead mouse. Around the
boxes and over the tongue of the boat trailer I went to check the trap. Slowly I peered around the
crab traps and what did I see? Mouse traps with no peanut butter. I was devastated!
Off to the hardware store I went in a hurry. This time I bought the sticky mouse traps. I put peanut
butter in the middle of each and arranged them in the likely pathway of the intended victim, as per
instructions on the side of the box. I knew at this point that I had a serious problem because I was
actually reading the instructions. I had to leave for work and could not sit there and stare at the traps
waiting for the mouse to appear, as I would have liked to do.
Later that day I arrived home and proceeded directly to the garage. There sat the glue traps and of
course the peanut butter was gone. There was something left on the traps though, but I had to get
closer to see what it was. Upon further inspection I discovered that the mouse had left me a
message. Yes, it was a very clever mouse. There on the glue arranged in a haphazard manner were
several droppings of the mouse. I took this very personally, until I figured out that the mouse had
used these droppings as stepping stones to get to the peanut butter in the middle of the traps.
That night the high commander had a very bad dream. She awoke abruptly and started talking about
the Master Mouse we had living in the house. She was sure that it had made it into the house and
was eating all the food that we had stored there. It took some time to get her calmed down.
I made another attempt to catch the mouse the next morning. I arranged the two wire traps end to
end and then put the two glue traps along side of those. My thinking was that now there would be no
way to get at the peanut butter without tripping or stepping into something.
Later I found that the peanut butter was still there. The mouse was clever enough to know that it has
met its match. Now it just wonders around the garage and eats other things. The High Commander
heard it in some of her plant things in the garage, so I know it is still with us.
That is what led up to me sitting there with the can of gas. Sanity did take hold though and now I am
slowly covering the whole floor with traps. Just to be sure of Master Mouse's demise, I am throwing
in a bunch of poison just for insurance. I have also taken to sitting on the steps with the shotgun
hoping for a glimpse of Master Mouse.
standard everyday envelope can harbor a bill so large so as to choke even the strongest and largest
of mankind. Billionaires I am sure get bills in small envelopes that look like the average person's
lifetime earnings. Gemstones come in little itty bitty envelopes and you can just imagine the very
large cost associated with these.
Meals large enough to feed whole families can be dehydrated down to fit in a small space. Only a
little water is needed to unveil the large amount of food hidden there. Computers have been, in a
word, dehydrated, and now a very small desktop model has more capacity than one that years ago
would have taken up a whole room. Our very essence, yes all our knowledge, can now be stored on
just a few micro chips. All that we are now resides along these electronic pathways.
Sitting there on the steps leading to the garage I noticed the onions Dad, my son and I had gleaned
from a field on the way home from hunting. Onions, although small, can have a very big affect on
some people. What about the very small Jalepeno pepper. It can literally burn the flesh of your
mouth if you are not careful. Yes, some small things can be very powerful.
Yes, small things can be very powerful and smart and have a very big affect on you. Thus was my
discovery when I came up against "MASTER MOUSE." It was just a little mouse. Hardly worth
worrying about! The problem was that I let it slip that I had seen one in the garage. The high
commander (my wife) ordered me to remove the vermin from the garage by any means necessary.
Little did I know our mouse watched movies and had learned a lot!
I now found myself sitting there on the steps with a can of gas next to me. I was contemplating
burning the garage down so as to accomplish my goal of eliminating that mouse. So thoroughly had
this mouse demoralized me, that I was contemplating such drastic matters. How had it come to this?
Well I am glad that you asked! Let me just tell you.
While unpacking some boxes in the garage, I disturbed the home of this mouse. As I pulled some
rope up out of this box, out popped the mouse and he ran to the corner. I did not think anything of it
at the time. Then the previous order was given to bring the mouse to his demise. I made a trip to the
hardware store and bought your average, everyday type of mousetrap.
There were many different types there on the counter. Boxes with holes in them, which trapped the
mouse inside, thus allowing you to later release the mouse in some field unharmed. Plastic traps that
had the appearance of a device that the doctor might put on your finger to read your pulse. There
were the sticky traps that you are to put in the path of the mouse and when he steps in them he can
not remove his foot and is there staring at you with those beady eyes when you check on the trap.
The shelf also contained many poisons that were reported to be fatal to a mouse when eaten. The
problem was that if I could have caught the mouse so as to feed him then I would have just killed him.
I made my purchase of the standard trap which come two to the pack. I thought this silly because I
had only one mouse but I suppose that it is a slick marketing trick to sell two traps instead of one.
When I got home I confidently put some peanut butter on the traps in the appropriate spot and set
the traps. Yes, I decided to use both traps, not wanting to waste my money. The high commander
watched as I placed my traps. I confidently espoused loudly about the small amount of time that I
figured it would take to catch the mouse. Soon the metal wire would snap closed on the head of the
mouse.
Before I went to bed that night I stepped into the garage to get the mouse out of the trap and throw
him away. Around some boxes and over the tongue of the boat trailer I went to where I had set the
trap. And sure enough, there was the mouse. I could see the beady eyes of my quarry, and his long
skinny tail. Short gray fur covered his body except along the tail. There was peanut butter on his
mouth and around the sides of his head.
The problem was that he was there starring back at me as he cleaned his face. All the peanut butter
was gone and he was asking for more. The traps were as clean as if I had just taken them out of the
package. When it was apparent to the mouse that I was not going to put more peanut butter on the
traps he left.
Ok, so I had not set the traps with a light enough touch. More peanut butter was gobbed on the
traps. Then I reset the traps to the point where they were just as likely to be set off by the stray
speck of dust as by the hated mouse. Off to bed I went feeling confident that in the morning I would
find that steel wire had met gray fur with the appropriate deadly force.
All during the night I kept thinking I heard the snapping of the trap. How this was possible to hear
from my bedroom I am not sure. I suppose I could have been dreaming but who knows. Dream I did
about the glory of finding that mouse smashed with blood leaking from all his bodily orifices. It was
hard to sleep. Sort of like the way it is before the opening of a hunting season.
The next morning I broke one of the house rules in my haste to check the traps. We are not
supposed to venture forth into the garage without sandals or shoes. Dirty feet mean dirty carpets,
but I was willing to endure the wrath of the high commander just to see that dead mouse. Around the
boxes and over the tongue of the boat trailer I went to check the trap. Slowly I peered around the
crab traps and what did I see? Mouse traps with no peanut butter. I was devastated!
Off to the hardware store I went in a hurry. This time I bought the sticky mouse traps. I put peanut
butter in the middle of each and arranged them in the likely pathway of the intended victim, as per
instructions on the side of the box. I knew at this point that I had a serious problem because I was
actually reading the instructions. I had to leave for work and could not sit there and stare at the traps
waiting for the mouse to appear, as I would have liked to do.
Later that day I arrived home and proceeded directly to the garage. There sat the glue traps and of
course the peanut butter was gone. There was something left on the traps though, but I had to get
closer to see what it was. Upon further inspection I discovered that the mouse had left me a
message. Yes, it was a very clever mouse. There on the glue arranged in a haphazard manner were
several droppings of the mouse. I took this very personally, until I figured out that the mouse had
used these droppings as stepping stones to get to the peanut butter in the middle of the traps.
That night the high commander had a very bad dream. She awoke abruptly and started talking about
the Master Mouse we had living in the house. She was sure that it had made it into the house and
was eating all the food that we had stored there. It took some time to get her calmed down.
I made another attempt to catch the mouse the next morning. I arranged the two wire traps end to
end and then put the two glue traps along side of those. My thinking was that now there would be no
way to get at the peanut butter without tripping or stepping into something.
Later I found that the peanut butter was still there. The mouse was clever enough to know that it has
met its match. Now it just wonders around the garage and eats other things. The High Commander
heard it in some of her plant things in the garage, so I know it is still with us.
That is what led up to me sitting there with the can of gas. Sanity did take hold though and now I am
slowly covering the whole floor with traps. Just to be sure of Master Mouse's demise, I am throwing
in a bunch of poison just for insurance. I have also taken to sitting on the steps with the shotgun
hoping for a glimpse of Master Mouse.
Rod & Ent Mortuaries
Serving the little ones in our world
11621 Field Drive
Rodent Haven, Wa 98338
August 10, 2005
Dear Sir or Madam:
We regret to inform you of the recent passing of Master Mouse, also known as Master Mickey.
Be assured that his passing was swift and painful. You all know of his insatiable and often
unhealthy appetite for peanut butter. It was his down fall. He died face down in the stuff.
The family has requested that no flowers be sent. No funeral will be performed. Master
Mickey has already been laid to rest in the nearest trash bag.
Sincerely,
Tracker Putnam
Trapper Extraordinaire
Serving the little ones in our world
11621 Field Drive
Rodent Haven, Wa 98338
August 10, 2005
Dear Sir or Madam:
We regret to inform you of the recent passing of Master Mouse, also known as Master Mickey.
Be assured that his passing was swift and painful. You all know of his insatiable and often
unhealthy appetite for peanut butter. It was his down fall. He died face down in the stuff.
The family has requested that no flowers be sent. No funeral will be performed. Master
Mickey has already been laid to rest in the nearest trash bag.
Sincerely,
Tracker Putnam
Trapper Extraordinaire
Mouse Movie
Iam Vermin Production Studios Press Release: November 1, 2000
We are writing to inform you of the upcoming full-length motion picture
detailing the sad and tragic life of Master Mouse. The story will detail his early
days as a helpless, hairless, pink, ugly thing to his oh-so-short adolescent
years where he ran through lovely fields of grass. Our hearts will swell with joy
as we attend the wedding of Squeaky and Minnie. Of course, this story wouldn't
be complete without the terrifying event that took place in early 2000. Imagine
the horror as this calm, picturesque field becomes a battleground of bulldozers
and various other heavy machinery. We will wipe a tear as we witness
Squeaky's family systematically destroyed by careless, conservative
Republicans with no regard for the environment; building houses for humans
no less! We will cheer as Minnie escapes to Nevada at this dangerous time.
We will be shocked as we witness Squeaky's exposure to a toxic Pepsi spill
that mutates him into Master Mouse. We will be thrilled as we discover
Master's super-vermin powers which gives his fur a non-stick covering and
makes his body non-gravitational allowing him to escape mouse traps set by
the malicious home owner. Alas, this story doesn't have a happy ending. As
Master Mouse realizes his life will never be normal, he throws himself into a
pool of peanut butter and wills the arm of the mouse trap onto his unresisting
body. The part of Master Mouse will be played by Jerry of "Tom and Jerry"
fame. The part of Minnie will be played by Poisin Ivy--a newcomer. You will
remember her father Itchy from the world-renowned "Itchy and Scratchy Show".
Please join us for the premier of "From Squeaky to Master: The Rise and Fall
of One of the Smallest Among us." on November 4, 2000. Immediately
following the premier you are invited to attend a benefit for Proposition153
which will ensure that this tragedy never occurs to another mouse by
demanding that all men walk on tiptoes to guarantee that no rodent is ever
disturbed by humans again!
Iam Vermin Production Studios Press Release: November 1, 2000
We are writing to inform you of the upcoming full-length motion picture
detailing the sad and tragic life of Master Mouse. The story will detail his early
days as a helpless, hairless, pink, ugly thing to his oh-so-short adolescent
years where he ran through lovely fields of grass. Our hearts will swell with joy
as we attend the wedding of Squeaky and Minnie. Of course, this story wouldn't
be complete without the terrifying event that took place in early 2000. Imagine
the horror as this calm, picturesque field becomes a battleground of bulldozers
and various other heavy machinery. We will wipe a tear as we witness
Squeaky's family systematically destroyed by careless, conservative
Republicans with no regard for the environment; building houses for humans
no less! We will cheer as Minnie escapes to Nevada at this dangerous time.
We will be shocked as we witness Squeaky's exposure to a toxic Pepsi spill
that mutates him into Master Mouse. We will be thrilled as we discover
Master's super-vermin powers which gives his fur a non-stick covering and
makes his body non-gravitational allowing him to escape mouse traps set by
the malicious home owner. Alas, this story doesn't have a happy ending. As
Master Mouse realizes his life will never be normal, he throws himself into a
pool of peanut butter and wills the arm of the mouse trap onto his unresisting
body. The part of Master Mouse will be played by Jerry of "Tom and Jerry"
fame. The part of Minnie will be played by Poisin Ivy--a newcomer. You will
remember her father Itchy from the world-renowned "Itchy and Scratchy Show".
Please join us for the premier of "From Squeaky to Master: The Rise and Fall
of One of the Smallest Among us." on November 4, 2000. Immediately
following the premier you are invited to attend a benefit for Proposition153
which will ensure that this tragedy never occurs to another mouse by
demanding that all men walk on tiptoes to guarantee that no rodent is ever
disturbed by humans again!
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Master Mouse